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May 16, 2005

I got a cease and desist letter from a British teenager

A month or so ago, an email came into my inbox that almost deleted as spam. Something caught my eye about it before I hit delete, though. It was a cease and desist letter. I've always assumed that I'd end up with one eventually, but I was surprised from the source. It was from the webmaster of a thecorpse.com, angry that I had registered thecorpse.net. The letter is as follows - I've bolded the funnier parts and I was going to underline all the spelling and grammar errors, but I'll leave that as an exercise for the reader.


Subject: CEASE AND DISIST - WWW.THECORPSE.NET

Dear Mr Carlough,

As webmaster and admin for The Corpse Forums (www.thecorpse.com) owned by
Mr. Richard Benson, we recently became aware of your registration and use
of the domain name www.thecorpse.net registered on 11/17/2004.

Your unauthorized use of The Corpse's brand in the world wide Internet
market and purposeful attempts to delude the public into believing your
site has any relation whatsoever to Mr Benson and his website, is a direct
infringement and dilution of The Corpse.com's rights to the domain name
and mark
.

It should be noted that TheCorpse.com was registered by Mr Benson
11/19/2003 almost a year prior to your use of the mark.

Please note that TheCorpse.com is dedicated to vigorously defending its
web identity rights in the marks "The Corpse" and "The Corpse.com.

In addition, usage of phrases such as "the red headed league" and "Is that
or is that not a red-head?" are believed by Mr Benson and his associates
to be a direct slur and attempted insult
of his name and a direct attempt
to lull any potential mistaken browsers into believing your site is
thecorpse.com because of Mr Bensons color of hair. The Association of
these phrases and www.theredheadedleague.com with www.thecorpse.net is a
purposeful and direct attempt to mislead potential web surfers and has
diluted thecorpse.com's effective search discovery on search engines such
as www.google.com and www.lycos.com to name but two.

Accordingly, you are hereby directed to immediately cease and desist in
your use of the infringing site and mark and all references to red hair
.
We expect full compliance within 48 hours before further legal action will
be taken by Mr Benson and his staff.

Should you have any questions, please contact the undersigned.

Very truly yours,

Jordi Romkema

http://www.thecorpse.com


I didn't know what thecorpse.com was at the time, but I've since come to find out that it's an online forum for teenagers to talk about rap and call each other fags. I invite you to visit the site to see all the great fag calling yourself, but you should know that most of it is not safe for work.

So, after the webmaster sent the letter, he closed the forums to unregistered members so they could giggle about their prank to each other, but it didn't matter, because I could see everything they were saying in the lo-fi version of the forums, which he apparently forgot to shut down. You can see what they said about me here.


I sent them this response:


I'm glad you contacted me. I am very interested in buying
thecorpse.com. Please email me immideately in regards to this
transaction. I am prepared to pay up to fifty US Dollars.

Thank you and best wishes
Will Carlough

Well, as you can see from this, they didn't buy it. Did I lay it on too thick? Not thick enough? Well, no matter. I think thecorpse.com learned a lesson and so did I. And that lesson, was, I don't know, be yourself. Oh, no wait, I did learn something. I learned what "getting sonned" means. I think.

Posted by Will at May 16, 2005 6:23 PM

Comments

My favorite part of that site is where "Johnny Chimpo Lian" says:
"i would love to see their reactions when they
read that shit"
And then signs off with a picture of his cat.

They sonned you! Thank you for this interesting report.

Love,
Sydney

Posted by: sydney at May 17, 2005 5:04 PM

All morning, I've really not been in the mood to be at work. However, work is where I use the internet, and the internet is where I read ridiculous, amazing things, and so I feel a little bit better about being here. Thank you for the excitement, William.

Posted by: diana at May 23, 2005 1:28 PM

That is hilarious. Oh, I miss you so much, Will.

Posted by: Dakota at May 28, 2005 3:59 PM

RED HEADED FAGS FEAR ME

Posted by: HEAT at June 16, 2005 10:27 PM

lol, why such a sarcastic article, this whole thing was a joke.. it was funny too. if you didnt know yet, benno, the owner of the site is a red head. that made this even funnier to us.

Posted by: kyle at June 16, 2005 11:24 PM

Will that was great i love your soft thighs

Posted by: froth at June 17, 2005 3:23 AM

hahahahha

marvellous.


Benno

Posted by: Richard Benson at June 17, 2005 3:36 AM

Wow this is classic material right here...id rather get head from a man with razor blades in his mouth than get head from that bitch from growing pains.....call me back at the god hour

Posted by: Baxter the Fly at June 17, 2005 4:40 AM

Wow this is classic material right here...id rather get head from a man with razor blades in his mouth than get head from that bitch from growing pains.....call me back at the god hour

Posted by: Baxter the Fly at June 17, 2005 4:41 AM

I feel ashamed to be part of this group.

http://www.thecorpse.com/forums/index.php?showforum=11

That's the forum with threads actually worth reading

Posted by: Napalm Crush at June 17, 2005 5:12 AM

Oh, darn.

Posted by: Sniggerish at June 17, 2005 10:48 AM

i love rubbin things with my dick..

Posted by: Decrial at June 17, 2005 11:09 AM

post editing fags FEAR me

Posted by: white devil at June 17, 2005 3:26 PM

X RATED TYRONE OWNS YOUR SOUL

Posted by: THE NAUGHTY NAPPY NASTY NIGGA DA NASTY TRASHY HOE HAPPY PAPPY at June 17, 2005 9:36 PM

OMG, how did i miss this gold?

Posted by: Afro at October 16, 2005 11:25 PM