March 25, 2005
You have a friend in Philadelphia
I started this post last week and forgot about it. Here it is, for the sake of completeness.
The Hazzards and I went down to Philadelphia this weekend for a show at the Manhattan Room. Our pay was to be a cut of the door, the gratitude of the city of brotherly love, and one pizza. I could beat around the bush, or try to think of some clever way to say this, but that pizza sucked. It sucked, sucked, sucked. And listen, I was raised on frozen pizza, don't think I'm some kind of pizza snob. If that's how pizza tastes in the rest of the country, I'm never leaving New York. I almost want to go back next weekend to sample some of their other pizzas to see if they're as bad. Long story short, had some bad pizza in Philly.
Also, on the way there, we made a stop at a rest area, where they had one of those machines that squishes your pennies into lame memorabilia. I noticed that one of the choices was for the World Trade Center, which I thought was funny, because it was clearly made before 2001, and I was surprised whoever was in charge had just left it there. I had fifty-one cents, so, why not? But I did it wrong and got a Statue of Liberty penny. Which didn't excite me. As I went back to get the one I wanted, this little kid was pawing at the machine. He was fascinated by it but didn't seem to have any money. I got my World Trade Center one out, and he asked me if he could have it. I handed him the Statue of Liberty one and waited for his thanks. After a few moments of the kid staring blankly at me, I said, "What do you say?" "Thank you," he replied.
Historians of the future, you can thank me later for making sure the documentation of these events wasn't lost forever.
Click this link quick before they fix it
If you scroll down a bit, you'll notice that my now defunct band, The El Conquistadors (aka Conquistador, Skabba the Hut, etc.), is number one with a crappy live recording of a song I wrote, Petty Man. (I wanted to call it I'm a Petty, Petty Man, but no one would listen to me, though that's neither here nor there.) And I wrote that stupid bio too, or most of it anyway.
I can only imagine that rabid fans of The Bravery really put their research hats on and tracked this site down. It's also very possible that the site just hasn't been updated since January, 2004, as that's when their spotlight of Mavin seems to have been posted. Although weren't we Conquistador by then? Were we even still together? I don't remember.
It also might be rabid US Patent Office fans. But I doubt it.
March 21, 2005
Do the people that make Bazooka Joe comics care about anything?
That kid with the weird turtleneck is in front of the lady with the hat.
March 15, 2005
A conversation with my blog
Hey blog, what's up.
Oh, hey Will, not much. It's been a while.
I know, I know. But listen, I update you more than some people.
Yeah but I've seen people who update like everyday.
But remember I updated you twice in one day that one time.
With links, Will. With links.
All right. So what's been going on, people reading you?
A couple people, I guess. I think it's mostly just search engines crawling me.
So you going to update me or what?
Yeah, eventually. I don't have much to say.
What about that ways to tell movies are bad stuff, you said you had more of those.
Yeah, they aren't as good as the first couple though.
Just talk about your life.
That's boring. It's boring enough I have to live it, I can't write about it too.
What about the rss feed, are people subscribing to that?
Yeah, there's like five people. Did you just link to an old post?
Yeah, so what?
So that's what you call updating me now, just linking to old posts?
Look, lay off all right? Blogs are stupid anyway.
So now I'm stupid.
No, not you. I mean other ones. You know, ones that aren't really about anything.
What am I about again?
Come on, you've got something to talk about. You get laid recently?
Man, my parents read this.
So let's just talk about something else.
All right, how's work?
I figured you'd say something like that. You're going to have to update me sooner or later.
Says who? I have no reason to. You give me nothing, blog. You are pointless. I thought you'd be fun, but you're not. No one cares about you, I don't care about you. I have enough unsatisfying hobbies, I don't need you on top of them. I could never update you again and it wouldn't affect anything in any way.
Just update me, man.
Too late! Post number 36! Boo-yeah!
Aw, blog, you got me again, ha ha!
Yeah, did you see it coming?
No, you really got me.
Ha. Cool, cool. So what are you going to post about tomorrow?
Fuck you, blog.
March 10, 2005
Fuck it, I'll update twice in one day, try and stop me
And both times with just links. I think this is funny:
A slow news day
Having made movies about both ducks and necrophilia, I was surprised to find that science wasn't far behind.
From The Guardian: Necrophilia among ducks ruffles research feathers
Get your chocolate out of my peanut butter. Or something.
March 8, 2005
Computer solitaire is the first thing they make you do in hell
On the subway this morning I decided not to read my boring compilation of Doctor Doom/Namor team-ups and to look over people's shoulders. I noticed a woman playing solitaire on her Palm. And as if solitaire wasn't pointless enough to begin with, this woman had it set up so that all she had to do was to click on a card, and it would just go where it needed to go. Not only that, but occasionally, cards would just fly up to the aces pile without her having to do anything at all. So all she had to do was click on the deck to get another card, and then click on that card. I hate to talk about the Jetsons twice in one week, but that was basically George's job, he just sat at a desk and pushed one button all day. I realize that video games, by nature, are ultimately pointless and just a way to while away your free time, but, geez, get some Tetris in there or something, at least you have something to do with the outcome. That lady might as well have been watching Solitaire: The Movie. As I left the subway, I noticed that the Palm, while otherwise in perfect condition, had a worn down spot where the deck was.
March 1, 2005
Not that I was going to anyway, but I don't think I can ever watch the Jetsons again
Seriously, how did they get away with that.